I'm feeling the same. I think it's very common. That's what motivates people to go above and beyond and try to be financially independent - as the alternative is having very little from life until you're old and retired.
Regarding falling asleep - I've noticed an interesting phenomenon in myself. Usually it takes me around 30 minutes to fall asleep, during which period I seem to gradually mellow, my internal narrative becomes weaker until I finally fall asleep. During the final stages of that process, I sometimes imagine beautiful and quite complex music or art that I like a lot (unfortunately, I'm nowhere skilled enough to try to create actual pieces based on this). This does not happen to me in any other state - it's as if there's a temporary imbalance between my mental functions (perhaps the logical brain shuts off first) that generates this unsolicited creativity.
Same for me. Sometimes on bad nights it can be hours but I need that time to "unwind".
The music is awesome. I sometimes get hypnogogia. I can imagine the music and then, as I get closer to sleep, I actually hear the music.
If I don't imagine music and I get hypnogogia, I'll hear people chatting next to me. That was quite scary before I understood what was going on.
If I don't get hypnogogia, I'll start imagining odd scenarios. Sometimes I'll recognise that it's a sign I'm about to drift off and then bang I'm awake.
From what I've read, this comes from straddling wakefulness and light sleep phase.
I believe Thomas Edison and others took advantage of the creative power. He drifted whilst holding a ball bearing above a plate so when he went, the ball would clatter on the plate. He'd wake up and note everything down.
Me, I just wanna sleep. I struggle as it is and I cannot nap. The idea of purposefully preventing sleep sounds like torture.
What on earth... I've never heard of hypnogogia. I just looked that up to discover hypnopompic... auditory hallucinations as you transition from sleep to waking up. I haven't constantly suffered this, but at periods in the last 5 years, I have often woken with a jump and an impending sense of dread to either the sound of a doorbell, or my ex yelling my name. In both cases, I know these were hallucinatory, the doorbell I have installed doesn't make the same sound as the doorbell I hear as I wake, nor has my ex been in my presence at the time I heard her calling my name. I had no idea this was a thing, I thought I was just going crazy, lol. So thanks for introducing me to these "conditions(?)" Perhaps I am still crazy, but at least there's a name for it :D
There's a word in the Sami language (a culture indigenous to parts of Scandinavia) that describe the state between being awake and asleep: "Adjágas".
It's been somewhat impotently translated as "slumber" - but it's more akin to what gp describe. I'm sure many native American languages have similar concept.
Yeah, a friend told me about that a while ago. He was pretty freaked out and worried it might be some kind of psychosis!
Don't think you have to worry. I haven't had any issues with my mental health for 8 years, beyond maybe periods of high work stress, and it's appeared at night often since then.
I used to hear the voices if I was very tired and in a silent room and just listened, not thinking. Since I got tinnitus I've never heard them. I think for me silence was essential, felt like my brain was trying to auto gain select, and if there was no signal crank up the gain until some feedback creeps in.
While I don't recognise the music/art part, I have this happening pretty regularly:
> If I don't get hypnogogia, I'll start imagining odd scenarios. Sometimes I'll recognise that it's a sign I'm about to drift off and then bang I'm awake.
Almost like lucid dreaming, but when I'm only half-asleep, and becoming lucid wakes me up.
Lucid dreaming itself woke me up, often in the middle of the night. I had to force myself to forget to ensured I stayed asleep and got a full nights rest, and eventually I stopped remembering dreams altogether.
Lol, reminds me of my first lucid dreaming experience after a long time of sowing the seeds. The moment I recognized I was dreaming ("I" "was" in my living room) I was very excited and thought "Great, it worked! That means I could try out flying!". So I took off - and bumped my head on the ceiling (1). Woke me right up... :-/
Only had one lucid dream and it was pretty disappointing.
I woke and my light was on. I remembered that I'd definitely turned my light off - hey, this must be a lucid dream! So I looked at my hand for a few seconds and everything turned to white. Then I woke up, pitch black with my arms under the covers. The excitement of lucid dreaming woke me up!
Sounds very similair to Dali's process.
Where he would meditate holding a kitchen utensil on top of a pan.
And when he would fall asleep it would fall making a sound and wake him up with i inspration for his next painting.
and Michel Houellebecq seems to use similar process:
INTERVIEWER
What is your writing schedule now?
HOUELLEBECQ
I wake up during the night around one a.m. I write half-awake in a semi-conscious state. Progressively, as I drink coffee, I become more conscious. And I write until I’m sick of it.
It sound interesting, but I never have heard it before and I can't find it in the link or in Google. Is it in the book? Is there other source? (Creativity advisors are sometime too creative.)
This is also mentioned in the Coursera course "Learning How to Learn" (https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-learn). Though I don't recall/know what their source is. "Dali Sleep Technique" turns up many hits in your favorite web browser, however.
it is in "50 Secrets of Magic Craftsmanship" a bit after the "Three rules for controlling your dreams".
Edit: Search for the sentence "In this posture, you must hold a heavy key which you will keep suspended, delicately pressed between the extremities of the thumb and forefinger of your left hand." and look at the google book result, you can read the page 36.
If you're reclined (on your back) a bamboo chop stick (or light metal tube that's a bit bigger held with the tip a couple of inches above your forehead works. Make sure your thumb (and no fingers) are below the stick so it will fall.
This reminds me of an experience I had once. I was lying in bed, it was about mid-day, listening to music. Suddenly I started to feel pins and needles all over my body and then felt my body disintegrate, as if I was just a "blob" of energy or something hovering in the air. Lastly, I could clearly hear every single instrument and note in the song I was listening to without trying, as if the different layers of the music were being deconstructed in real time. The experience felt kind of like a dream, because the more I evaluated or thought about it in my head the more it seemed to slip away - it was strongest when I just calmed down and experienced it without trying to think about it. Eventually my mind got the better of me and it stopped. I've never done drugs, but I imagine that this might be what some hallucinogenic experiences feel like (though to be honest I have no real idea).
I think a couple of things contributed to this weird state that I've never been able to reproduce again:
* This happened soon after my family relocated to the other side of the world and my sleep schedule was still a bit messed up.
* I was a teenager and at the time was going through a phase of interest in lucid dreaming, so I'd been keeping a dream journal and got to the point where I had really good dream recall. I think it also helped me stay conscious closer to the boundary between sleep and wakefulness (eg as opposed to just blacking out into sleep I would remain conscious during more of that transition process)
* I had been practising taking mid-day naps because I read that those might be the best time to induce a lucid dream. I wasn't trying to do this when this happened, but it _was_ somewhere around mid-day and I _was_ in bed, maybe my body just decided it was time for a nap and entered that state between sleep and wakefulness.
I wish I could make it happen again, but I've never been successful with inducing this.
Check out Astral Dynamics by Robert Bruce. Even if you think out of body experiences aren't real, well, they're experiences. That book explains how to enter the hypnogogic state (mind awake, body asleep) which I think can also lead to what you experienced.
>> I wish I could make it happen again, but I've never been successful with inducing this.
Same here. But there are some things that help me getting into this state: Dont be hungry, dont be thirsty, ensure to use the restroom beforehand -- basically, get rid of nagging distractions so you can focus on just mental state. Then work on getting to the edge of sleep. It happens to me sometimes on the subway if I'm coming home late or on a bus trip where i've starved myself of sleep beforehand (usually in the winter, cozy in a overcoat.)
We and all the matter around us is only energy. Mass is energy in a very low frequency.
Practice hypnotism or meditation and you'll change your life for the better.
From the description seems you have fully entered alpha brain frequency. It is not exactly hallucinations, just brain disconnects from body while retaining consciousness. I recommend looking up Silva method which developed various ways to achieve this healing mind state, such as countdown meditation or binaural sound.
There’s this book called “head trip: adventures on the wheel of consciousness” that puts forth the idea that there are many brain states, not just asleep and awake. The one just before falling asleep is a really wild one.
I was curious about this a few years ago and looked it up. It's called hypnagogia and people have been known to try to induce it deliberately for creative purposes.
Gave it a Google. Explains my other ranting post in this thread quite well. I apparently spend quite a lot of time in this state. Get lots of really good ideas (almost as many as when doodling on the condensation of a foggy shower window).
When I’m really tired and falling asleep, it sometimes feels like my creative brain becomes uncorked. I can focus on any vague idea and then immediately summon an image or multiple images on the theme of that idea, clear as day. I’ve also sometimes been able to keep a mental guitar jam going almost indefinitely. Wish I had this superpower while awake — making art would be a million times easier. (Maybe it’s trainable?)
You can trigger and even control this state. It's caused by deeply letting go and avoiding structured thoughts. I used to spend 2 hours per day on the train, for 5 years. I always kinda napped in the train, usually with ambient music in my headphones. At some point, I was able to go exactly between the waking and sleeping state, or lucid dreaming. It's an incredibly powerful experience, you can control anything, you are dreaming while your consciousness is fully awake. I also had one experience that could be described as spiritual or religious (though I'm none of that) that was very powerful.
That may be true from 10 thousand miles away. Upon closer inspection, there's a huge difference in current wealth and standard of living between Russia and say Finland, while 100 years ago they were roughly the same. Not to mention the unimaginable wealth of natural resources that Russia has, which, under proper political and economic policies, could make it into a Norway-like paradise.
>Not to mention the unimaginable wealth of natural resources that Russia has, which, under proper political and economic policies, could make it into a Norway-like paradise.
Norway wasn't "made into a paradise" by its natural resources, it was just lucky to be the sole exception unafflicted by the resource curse:
And if you put the starting point of your charts to the end of communism, you will see a radical growth in the average wages and the quality of life of citizens.
> it made me realise you can generally achieve the things you want in life if you focus on them
I'd be cautious here; video games are designed, artificial worlds where difficulty level is carefully controlled by the maker. They are designed to give you sense of accomplishment and empowerment, so they cannot be too difficult, whereas real world accomplishments can be brutally difficult to achieve.
I think you're totally right. At the same time, GP is onto something (paraphrasing with some liberty) "with the right dedication, (almost) anything can be achieved." In my experience, this attitude of seemingly unfounded optimism can give a big boost in real achievement as well.
> How to get into those heavily engineering oriented firms, like JPL or NVidia, doing the low level stuff?
Maybe first try to talk to someone who does that kind of work, to see if it's even appealing to you? I say this because my understanding of this issue is very similar to the parent poster - no matter what the domain, programming as a career WILL be dominated by dealing with large and ugly code bases, where your main struggle will be to understand them and then try to make intelectually trivial changes in a non-breaking manner. For example, I spoke with people who developed GPU drivers, and they said that the code base was an insufferable mess, and that they escaped it to do something theoretically much more mundane, but at least with much less preexisting code.
My gloomy conclusion is that software engineering is not the best career choice for someone creative and intellectually curious. It's just too dull.
My (anecdotal) observation is that this big4 "professionalism" is mostly a self-imporant delusion (probably imprinted into people by years of company culture and trainings), and that a lot of senior people in there are insufferable wankers. That's from my experience with senior managers from Deloitte and PwC.
Haha, completely true, but you get a lot of latitude and you are actually valued as an employee — unlike most salaried jobs, there is a direct correlation between your paycheck and the company’s revenue. There is also a high incentive for the company to pay to keep your skills up-to-date.
The culture in consulting has its problems, but things are getting better and we’re seeing a lot more women entering senior roles which is starting to fix some of the bad behavior that has traditionally gone on.
As for acting self-important? It takes a fucking ego to have a 27 year old kid tell a 50 year old SVP how to do his job. But as a result, people in consulting generally respect each others large egos, which gets you some degree of professionalism.
My view is the opposite - Poles are more honest (which usually translates to - more whiney) at their jobs than Western people, where centuries of capitalism have taught people that it's best to keep your thoughts to yourself and pretend to be happy/content. Poles have yet to internalize this lesson.
It depends what you mean. To Poles Americans look quite fake with their smiling mask, and adjectives ranking from "good" to "awesome". The world "beautiful" sticks out like a sore thumb when you read web frontend/design blogs. Words like that are reserved for truly astonishing works. There is no expectation that you feel great all the time. Ask and you usually get an honest answer(bragging on a job interview notwithstanding). It's not like I heard about India where I heard IT workers often don't ask questions or are afraid to admit they don't understand something. There is also no strong expectation to participate in polite small talk like in UK. Gosh, it's hard to say, I'll have to travel a bit to see Poland from outside.
But leave your bike, or even an umbrella unattended for a few moments and it's likely to get stolen. If you drop money in a public place, it's very unlikely to be returned anywhere - it's seen as a windfall. Fenced houses and (multi-flat) blocks are getting VERY popular. In fact, people bring screens to beaches to separate themselves from each other (usually by family), sometimes even "reserving" spots on public beaches(they have no right). Some foreigners half-jokingly use the term "polish disease" to describe materialistic attitude of many Polish girls. Government clerks are famously unhelpful and make you do their job. Recruitment agencies are almost entirely focused on employer needs. Cheating in school is widespread and very rarely reported by classmates. You're seen as a snitch. It's similar with reporting bad drivers. Tax avoidance and frauds are more tolerated, even among politicians("Everyone does that / all political parties do it anyway"). There are many laws and rules which are not used in practice - the most spectacular example is the Smoleńsk plane crash in 2010 where most of the political elite, including the president, died.
Also keep in mind Poles working abroad are usually the most ambitious and honest ones, because they understand Westerners appreciate that. It's refreshing being able to just focus on doing a good job, and with expensive equipment.
I guess the bottom line is Poles often don't trust you, but are honest about it.
This is of course largely a product of Soviet influence (technically Poland was a part of Warsaw Pact, but NOT a part of Soviet Union) and resulting material powerty. Romania, Russia are similar but even more grim.
What is jaw-dropping to a Pole?
"I was a construction worker in Denmark. At the end of the shift, I suggested that we store our tools indoors. - Why? We'll be working in the same place." (expecting theft)
That until recent years Swedes didn't lock their homes.
In a swedish fairy tale "Moonintrolls", one of characters suggest that they repair an old boat they found, so that they can use it better or give back a nice boat if the owner shows up. The idea that you might be happy about giving back an object you put your work into like that.
That in other countries ministers delegate work and important decisions up to their subordinates, and that most of civil service and (local) administration stays when the ruling party changes. Polish politicians like to micromanage, and behavior like that is seen as sign of weakness.
I agree with most of this (I'm a Pole, currently living in Poland). I'd say that we're closer to the world norm and the Westerners are the outliers - universal wealth on an unprecedented scale has created some paradise-like conditions in those countries. Meanwhile, in the rest of the world (most of Africa, Asia, South America, Eastern Europe) people are scamming and robbing each other left and right, which creates a justified amount of mistrust. My prediction is that further automation and globalisation will be the great leveler, and in 50 years people in the West will be considerably worse off (it's already happening, hence Trump, Brexit etc.) while the rest will improve.
You are probably right. We, members of the western civilization (Europe + America) increasingly live in a bubble. This is unfortunate, because Europe used to be open to the world and used to profit from that. I'm not in favor of exploitation, just pointing out there's barely any news from Africa, Asia, etc. Polish news are almost all about west and east. Barely any time is devoted to northern and southern neighbors.
What would happen to you in the workplace if you behaved like a Westerner and looked for opportunities to contribute to others' priorities, praised others' work, and shared your productivity enhancers?
You're totally correct that it's refreshing to just be able to focus on doing a good job. I work so much voluntary overtime just because I know that it's a rare time when you are someplace your contributions are needed and welcome. A lot of times you have a lot to offer and no organization that can get it to people who need it.
> What would happen to you in the workplace if you behaved like a Westerner and looked for opportunities to contribute to others' priorities, praised others' work, and shared your productivity enhancers?
I curently work in a large Western Europe organization (30k employees), which does a lot of its software development in Poland. I'd say the work is in many ways organized in a terrible way (courtesy of the higher-up geniuses in the HQ). My observation is that the rank-and-file employees in the Western Europe branches tend to more often eat shit and smile about it than people in Poland. That may be because I don't know them as well as my Polish collegues though.
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There's an 8 chapter document "Intrukcja HEAD" (HEAD instruction) about transporting the most important officials of the country. It was established 1 year before the crash, and was partially ignored.*
- the flight was meant to be organized by the chancellery of prime minister, but wasn't. The PM vs the president and the ruling party were political enemies. Instead, the flight was organized by people of the now dead president.
- although the request with HEAD status was sent to the chancellery of PM, it was also sent (violating the instruction) to BOR (government bodyguards) and 36th Special Regimen of Air Transport (36. Specjalny Pułk Lotnictwa Transportowego).
- the content of the request sent to the chancellery of PM was also violating the instruction (no mention of number of people, unspecified type(s) of the airplane(s), unspecified planned time of departure and arrival, unspecified dispatcher, unspecified cargo).
There's also some stuff that I don't know how to neatly translate, but suffice to say it wasn't an isolated case. When Donald Tusk, the PM at the time, earlier flew to Smoleńsk, the HEAD instruction was also partially ignored.
The reason the chancellery of PM abstained from its duties was an earlier (2008) conflict between Donald Tusk (PM) and Lech Kaczyński (the dead president), when the PM denied the request of the president, when the latter wished to fly to Brussels.
There were also other problems, like insufficient training (ignoring the messages PULL UP, TERRAIN AHEAD), and recorded presence of superiors in the cockpit, pressuring the pilots to land (likely gen. Błasik's voice, but no 100% certainty).
And last, but not least, don't put all your eggs in one basket. The number and status of officials who ended up on that single plane is mind-boggling. And why so much pomp?
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Most likely people would enjoy your productivity tips and not credit you for them. If you tried to contribute to others' priorities? There's an informal term "spychologia", from pushing down worn onto someone else. Ask someone to help you by doing unglamorous work, while you do something more spectacular. Works better if you have tits and your coworker doesn't.
I was recently applying for a job in a German company. The interviewer mentioned they have an "all hands on the deck" approach to when someone is not going to make it with a deadline: instead of making one person triple his efforts, several people do 1 hour of (voluntary) overtime. Sounds good. It was the first time I've heard about something like that, and it took me 3 years to find a job (I signed the contract today, with another company). Other than the subject of their work, it sounded like a very interesting and laid back workplace.
* Note ignoring some rules is a common theme in Polish culture. Poland is a bit anarchistic, and many laws exist mostly on paper. Like policemen not fining drivers who park cars taking over 1/3 of sidewalk. Problems are sometimes "solved" with new laws which are impractical. I'm not sure how it came to be, but I have two ideas:
- the time when Poland was partitioned didn't help. All laws were occupants' laws.
- earlier, in XVI century, when feudalism was at its height, Poland had two distinct classes: peasants, at least 80% of population, and noblemen. Past kings had granted noblemen numerous privileges in exchange for support of various political initiatives. In time, it resulted in a weak state, and decision paralysis. There was a famous law, "Liberum Veto", which allowed a single member of parliament (nobleman) to cancel the session. I mean it was legal, although sometimes it made others mad and the person had to run for his life.
This anarchism of sorts sometimes makes life easier (mutually beneficial informal agreements), but at other times complicates it. It can also enable coteries and cartels.
