I dont have thoughts of suicide at all, but I constantly have thoughts of leaving everything - the job, family, friends, etc and go to a place i dont know anyone.
however, this is not me at all. I have never wandered, am very conscious all the time, and thats why i have not left family, kids, job etc
my favorite ad would the SouthWest 'wanna get away'? I think the failures in life, and how i think others perceive them, and how my family perceives me make me have thoughts (consciously)
but the fact that i am unable to act on it makes me very sad.
I have both suicidal ideation and escapist fantasies. I spent years fantasizing about moving to a small coastal town, which I more or less basically did about 2.5 years ago. (I'm on a river coast, not an ocean coast, 20 minutes or so from the ocean and we get tidal surge here and brackish waters.)
When I first got here, my life was still frustrating and I would have escapist fantasies of just leaving and moving to a small coastal town somewhere and then realize I already live in a small coastal town. I never quite knew how to feel about that. Like "Um, I win? I guess. At least I don't need to pack my bags and move. I'm here already."
With living here, my life is slowly coming together and I much less often have that fantasy of "I'm just going to up and leave and move to a small coastal town, damn it!" But it wasn't immediate. Arriving here didn't promptly fix everything about my life, even though it was immediately a huge improvement over what I had been experiencing.
I think it's pretty normal to want immediate relief of some kind and to, on some level, recognize that "These people and this place and yadda -- that's a big part of the problem." and the logical inference is that if you could just get away from these people and this place, things would be immediately better.
So it's kind of like wishing for an "easy button" for life when life is frustrating.
But there's also truth to the saying "Wherever you go, there you are." Not all problems are cured by just getting away from these people or this place.
It took me a lot of years to resolve some of my problems. I persisted because I didn't feel I really had another option. I could work on it or I could kill myself, basically. It certainly wasn't acceptable to just accept the problems I had and make my peace with simply living with those issues. Something had to change, so I just kept at it, even though it took a long time to make changes happen.
For me, my idea of "I would like to live in a small coastal town" is something I was eventually able to arrange and it is proving to be better than anything else I've ever had. But it still is something that is growing on me, so to speak.
And that's just my personal story. It's not advice and I'm not telling you what you should do.
Is there a name for this?