Why software updates, especially remote ones, are even necessary for the safety-critical bits of a car is a problem too. Entertainment systems and such might be "acceptable" to follow the current trends in declining software quality and "fix it later" mentality, but core functionality like engine controls, steering, and brakes should definitely not be developed that way.
The conspiracy theorists might say "so they can slowly degrade the performance, in the name of environmental protection"...
A more recent example was GM limited charging capacity on the Bolt when they identified a production issue that could result in a fire.
I bought a Honda once that was never brought in for a service recall and thus had an issue I had to pay the dealer to fix because it was outside of the recall window.
Tesla was able to push an OTA update to the Model 3 to improve performance after a CR article criticizing it's braking distance.
I think OTA or remote updates should be possible, and I think it should be something the owner of the vehicle has control over.
That still doesn't need to happen over the air. It can work the way a BIOS update does. If you want to update over a network, have at it, but it should be possible for them to just send you a file and you can flash that directly by plugging into a USB port. No need to go to a dealer for a flaw that can be handled by a software patch, but also no need to expose your vehicle control systems over a WWAN.
Recalls work just fine, because in e.g. replacing a defective airbag, they don't also decide to swap your engine with a smaller one or repaint the interior and rearrange all the controls. It's mainly the forcing of unwanted extra changes that has caused people to refuse updates, and that is IMHO a problem that the software industry has entirely self-inflicted.
The conspiracy theorists might say "so they can slowly degrade the performance, in the name of environmental protection"...