That's also a dimension. I feel bad that she goes to bed alone when I stay up. We say good night and it's nice but then I leave to stay up. It feels off balance from my perspective, although she is used to it and has adapted.

I have a similar schedule, but go to bed slightly earlier. I sit next to my wife in bed and code on my laptop for 2 hours before sleep. It's kind of the best of both worlds, but ergonomically imperfect. I'm definitely more productive at my desk, but have the same issues as you describe.

That seems like a really bad idea. You’re setting yourself up for sleep problems by associating your bed with work, and programming in particular is not a great thing to be doing just before bed, as it gets your brain really worked up.

If your wife is sleeping that whole time, what are you really gaining? The laptop screen light is probably affecting her sleep, and you’re possibly creating issues for yourself. It sounds like multitasking where you end up with two things in a mediocre state instead of giving full focus to each.

Agreed, plus the screen glow is bad for your sleep cycle and eyes as well.

I don't think there's an easy solution. Either your side projects suffer, or your relationship. I choose to keep my relationship healthy, but at some point, if you keep postponing every project and hobby, frustration starts to mount and that's not good for relationships either.