I have learned a lot from people questioning my motives, and from third-party discussions where someone with the same problem had their motives questioned. It often set me on a much better course. Thorough answers benefit the audience too.
A good example of an XY problem is people asking where to buy a suicide cord. Is the helpful answer to show them how to make one, or to hint at the fact that it's called a suicide cord?
If you desperately want to shoot yourself in the foot, don't mind people asking why you want to borrow their gun.
> Is the helpful answer to show them how to make one, or to hint at the fact that it's called a suicide cord?
You create a false dilemma. The helpful answer is the one that answers the question, and if you also want to suggest alternatives, feel free to do more than answering the question, but don't just question their motives instead of answering, because questioning someone's motives instead of answering is an antagonistic behavior. You're basically saying "I don't also want that thing, therefore you must be an idiot." That's an obnoxious framework to operate under.
A good example of an XY problem is people asking where to buy a suicide cord. Is the helpful answer to show them how to make one, or to hint at the fact that it's called a suicide cord?
If you desperately want to shoot yourself in the foot, don't mind people asking why you want to borrow their gun.